Monday, May 3, 2010


Yesterday was a bright sunny day and after church Peter very enthusiastically told me that it was a nice day and he would be able to play outside today. And play he would, like a 6 or 8 year old. Should I be sad that my 22 year old man was planning on playing today. I wondered, should I regret that he would not be in the graduating class of 2010 at some University? I am most sure if he had attended college, he would be on the five year plan, so this May would have been his graduation date. He would be out seeking jobs in a few weeks, along with the other graduates, who I must say, might find it hard. But no, he is not graduating, instead today he is playing, and tomorrow, he will head for his job at a wonderful curative workshop where he most likely will box up Pledge. And, yes, I am most thankful that he has that job!
There were many times, although trying hard to put the "best construction on everything"..something my mom would say and still rings in my ears, that I did not. That I looked wistfully at Peter and wanted him to be more. Prayed for a miracle, as if God would come down with his magic wand and just fix him. Now, I really never got into what would really be fixed, but I just wanted a quick fix. Many days were spent with tears, and wishes of something better. The what if's that fills one mind to try and rationalize how things could turn out different...if I just had....
Yes, I had all those feeling. And, I understand the heartache that accompanies those feelings. The longing, the "life is not fair" kind of feeling. Yep, had all of those! But today, when he smiles at me and is just so happy that he gets to play outside because it is a nice day. I laugh. You are right Peter, it is a grand and glorious day and you will be able to enjoy every minute of sunshine. And he glows. His gift, living the moment, experiencing life for what it is. So simplistic.
I do not regret that he is playing today at the age of 22. For Peter, it may not be a college degree this month, but he graduated from high school, he is living independently in a phenomenal group home with his high school friends, he has a job, and a better social life than me.
I am rethinking this...I do believe God did come down with his magic wand. I do believe He did His magic, He did fix it ...for what more could one ask?

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